Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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