I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life is pants optional.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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