Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
