Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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