I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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