ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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