im drinking this country out of the recession.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
