i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
