wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
