Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
