So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
