Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
