is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
