At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
