She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
