i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
