Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
