I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
BRING THE BAGELS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
