I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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