you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
A+ Viking dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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