I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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