as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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