I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
