Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You smell like stripper and shame
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
