so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
