Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
