What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
