i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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