Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
