i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
