I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
