just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
