people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
