That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think people are normalizing furries
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
