Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your penis caused this!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
