I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
