Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
