i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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