the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
