he thought i was a dude.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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