Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
