yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
