I wish I could teleport
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
