i already hear my dad disowning me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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