i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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