At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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