week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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