All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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