i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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