Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
