He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
