We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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