He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
